


monochrome

by olympicmayhem



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Alternate Universe - Office, Angst, Drama, M/M, Romance, TW: Suicide, Tragedy, everyone is so ooc here i'm so sorry, hisoillu, mentions of kurofei, non-betaed, the hisoillu au not inspired by cigarettes after sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:02:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29246997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olympicmayhem/pseuds/olympicmayhem
Summary: Illumi lives in a monochromatic world. Hisoka lives in a world of vibrant pain.
Relationships: Feitan/Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer & Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	monochrome

Illumi wakes up to white. White ceiling over white walls, a white desk beside a white bed in which he is currently laying down, snuggled underneath a white blanket. It was basically dull. A set of monochrome over monochrome that spreads his whole life. A dull and monochrome world he was forced to lead his whole life.

He wears a black coat over a black suit and goes to work in a white Ferrari. At exactly 8 am, as he was informed by a black watch around his wrist, he enters his office at the highest floor of one of the tallest buildings in York New, sits on his black executive chair behind his black executive desk and opens the white MacBook in front of him, proceeding to check his e-mails. He then goes on to read the reports written in black ink on white paper. At 10 am his secretary, a blond by the name of Shalnark, pushes the black door open and informs him of an important meeting with important people and Illumi walks down the white hallway and enters a white room with a long, black, u-shaped desk. Seated behind the desk are men of a wide range of age, all wearing the same expensive dark suit as him. He goes over to them and sits down. The lights dim and the dull meeting starts.

At 12:30 the meeting ends and the door is pushed open, gushing out men in black suits. Illumi decided to get some coffee and walks down the dull grey sidewalk into a cafe not quite far from where he walks and orders a black Americano. He sits on a black chair beside the window and watched passerby lead their own lives. By 1 pm, he goes back to his office and continued leading his monochromatic life.

At 9 pm he receives a call from Chrollo and decides to ignore it, going back to reading more black words on white paper. He answers his phone at 9:15, because Chrollo's a stubborn bastard and his ringtone is getting quite annoying. He promised Chrollo to meet up with him at a bar and hangs up, sighing and letting out "Fuck it Chrollos"'s and "I really hate that bastard"'s. He drives his Ferrari down the road and stops in front of a bar ironically named Monochrome. He pushes the door open and takes a step inside the dark bar, the scent of beer and tequilla hanging deep in the air.

He quickly finds Chrollo on one seat by the bar and sits beside him before facing him and letting out a harsh "Fuck you." Chrollo wasn't deterred though, and drowsily smiles at him before replying "Fuck you too.", his breath smelling of beer. Illumi sighs and tells his friend how much work he has to leave but Chrollo was having none of it because Chrollo's fucking depressed because he and Feitan had a fight over something stupid again and Chrollo groans on about how it was his fault and that Feitan might never forgive him again but Illumi stopped listening because just then, a sudden burst of colors exploded inside the dark bar, blinding Illumi's eyes, and focused on a stage Illumi would have never noticed had the lights not focused it, and a tall man enters. All eyes are turned towards him in expectation, except for Chrollo's who continues to groan on about Feitan, and the music starts, the kind Illumi doesn't hear on formal events, and the man on stage starts moving rhythmically to the music. He couldn't tear his eyes off the stage because damn, Illumi has never seen anybody dance that passionately. He hears something thud behind him and sighs, figuring that it was Chrollo. He regretfully tears his eyes off the stage and turned his attention towards his friend, wondering if he should drive him home or call Feitan. He sighs and fishes his phone out of his pocket before leaving.

Illumi sits on his usual black chair, reading the reports he left yesterday because of Chrollo, his thoughts straying towards the man with a display of vibrant colors his eyes just couldn't get used to. His secretary delivers a couple more stacks of grey and black folders he needed to read and sign before the end of the day. He was in the middle of reading one when he hears his phone ring and he answers it without checking the caller I.D., saying a monotonous hello to whoever the hell was on the other end of the line, and hears Chrollo's voice, happily telling him about his reconciliation with Feitan that Illumi really isn't interested about before an idea sprung inside of him and he invites Chrollo to go to the Monochrome with him because he says "It's to celebrate his getting back together with Feitan". Chrollo says that he thinks that it's a great idea and told him to go meet up with him at 9:30. Illumi puts his white iPhone back down and went back to his work, determined to finish everything before 9.

Illumi ends up arriving there first and chooses a table not too far from the stage, ordering a glass of water just to get rid of the annoying waiter. Chrollo and Feitan join him not too long after and ordered beer for themselves, raising their bottles and clinking it together with Illumi's glass of water. Illumi was a little reluctant to join them but he has learned a long time ago to just go along his friend's every whim. They talk, mostly Chrollo and Feitan, Illumi supplying them a word at most to keep his part of the conversation as he impatiently waits for the bright lights to appear. They appear a while later, just in time before all of Illumi's patience runs out, and focused on the stage as they did the night before. The man steps up and Illumi feels his breath hitch because he's even better looking from here. He can see the sharp jawline and full lips on his perfectly etched face, and the dyed bubblegum pink hair carefully styled on top of his head and Illumi thinks that a guy with such good looks as him should not be allowed to live. He hears Chrollo whisper "What are you staring at?" and he hisses a "Shut the fuck up." as he continues to watch the unknown dancer.

He becomes a patron of the Monochrome. He wakes up in his monochromatic room in his monochromatic house, drives his white Ferrari to his monochromatic office, and goes to a bar seemingly named after his everyday life to watch an unknown dancer as he moves with ease onstage. He goes mostly with Chrollo, sometimes accompanied by Feitan, ordering a glass of water while he waits. He often hears Chrollo's questions of "Do you know that guy?" and "Who is he?" that he chooses to ignore. He wants to pay all of his attention to the guy that he can't afford to even blink an eye, afraid that he might miss something.

Tonight's one of those nights when Illumi curses Chrollo a lot. The guy called a couple minutes ago, telling him that he can't join him because today's his and Feitan's anniversary and they're planning to do goodness-knows-what. Illumi curses whoever invented the idea of celebrating anniversaries. He slumps on his usual spot, feeling a bit stupid for being alone, when the lights go up and the dancer, just as he did so many times before, goes up. He sweeps the whole place and finds Illumi's eyes and Illumi swears that he felt something there.

The man finishes his dance some time later and makes his way towards Illumi. Illumi hears the scraping of metal on linoleum and the man Illumi has watched countless times sits beside him, on the chair Chrollo usually occupies. A silence that is not so awkward ensues between the two of them and Illumi, who doesn't want to be the first to break the silence, reaches out to his glass of water sitting on the table. He was halfway through his glass when the man beside him spoke.

"So you're all alone tonight, huh?" Illumi chokes because shit, has this guy been watching him this whole time as well? He urges himself to give a small nod in response and it takes the other guy a while before he speaks again, and this time a pale hand enters his vision and Illumi hears the deep baritone saying "Hisoka". Illumi gulps before taking his hand and shakes it. "I-Illumi." he says, not taking his eyes off their hands. He notices how manly Hisoka's hand is, how tight his grip is, when he feels something tugging and he realizes that Hisoka probably wants his hand back. He releases his hand and mutters an apology, looking down embarrassedly and that's that because Hisoka stands up and leaves him. Illumj leaves after a few moments.

Illumj enters the building a little earlier than usual because he didn't get to sleep much last night. His office waits for him and he pulls the blinds open, revealing bright orange light that slowly seeps in, filling the usually dull and white room with orange that it has never seen before. Orange must mean beginnings, Illumi thinks as he lets the orange fill his eyes, a color that is nowhere near the white, grey and black he has long since grown used to.

Shalnark arrives an hour and a half later and was surprised to find out that the CEO has already arrived and rushes to the office, ready to give today's work. He doesn't comment on the natural light that welcomes him upon entering the office, placing documents upon documents on the black desk in front of him and giving the schedule his boss has for the day. He bows before leaving, leaving Illumi to call important people, send e-mails, and read important papers. He finishes one-fourth of the job by 1 pm and treats himself to a cup of black coffee at the espresso machine located at a corner of the building. He goes back to work at 1:30 and at 3:40, receives a call from an important investor named Pariston. At 5:20 the white iPhone rings again and he picks it up, taking his eyes off the laptop screen. Chrollo's voice takes over, apologizing yet again for not accompanying him last night and tries to make it up to him by telling him he'd go to the Monochrome with him tonight and Illumi shouts a no as he remembers what happened with the dancer named Hisoka, leaving Chrollo to be surprised at the other end of the line. He stumbles for an excuse, telling Chrollo that it's fine, he really doesn't have to keep him company there and that he feels bad for stealing Chrollo's time when he could be spending more with Feitan. Chrollo says okay and hangs up and Illumi drops the phone back to its place, closing his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose as he sighs deeply because he really doesn't know why but he wants to be alone tonight...or not maybe all alone but be with a someone who's not Chrollo but... Illumi shakes his head and tries to focus back to work.

There weren't a lot of people at the bar that night and Hisoka spots Illumi quickly, with his usual glass of water. He goes there after his performance and takes the seat Illumi's friend usually occupies. Illumi meanwhile, tries not to stare too much as Hisoka makes his way towards him, and tries to ignore the jumping jacks in his chest. He sees the other one take a dubious look at his drink.

"Don't you ever drink anything else aside from water?" Hisoka skeptically asks him and Illumi feels the pink taint his usually pale face as he lightly shakes his head and gives out a weak reply. "Ummm...sometimes I drink juice." He hears Hisoka snort and his already flushed face flushes a shade darker. He raises his hand to order a beer for himself and lets out a string of questions for Illumi to answer, simple questions that requires him to only nod or shake his head, to more personal questions like what his age is. He also tells Hisoka about his work and Hisoka nods, commenting that he's "a big-ass executive of some big-ass company but that doesn't mean that that's all you fucking are". As Hisoka talks, Illumi realizes that his breath smells of beer and something else, something that Hisoka tries to mask...

They become acquaintances. They start seeing each other outside the bar, trying to learn each other's worlds. Hisoka, Illumi learns, is a mystery that's hard to unlock. He's full of mysteries that Illumi strangely feels dull next to him. He never realized that he's such an open book, that a person who doesn't know him so well would be able to guess him so easily. Hisoka would always go to him after his performance, ordering beer and juice as they talk about what he did for the day. They mostly talk about Illumi's day with a bunch of old investors and such and hears Hisoka snort beside him. He asks about where he wants to go when he's got enough time and Illumi tells him that he wants to go to the beach because he usually doesn't have time to go there and he likes looking at the free ocean. Sometimes, Illumi tries to unlock the mystery that is Hisoka but Hisoka wouldn't let him, his answers so vague that Illumi decided to give up not too long after. What he knows is that his name is Hisoka Morow and his birthday's on June 6th and he loves dancing. Illumi asks more about dancing and something in Hisoka changes, like there's a light that sparked inside of him at every mention of dancing. He describes the feeling, the euphoria he feels every time he stands onstage, and goes on to differentiate the types of dance, taking only short breaks to take a swig from his bottle. Illumi watches him closely while he sips from his glass.

There's a taint in white. First it was the orange of beginning, and then comes the pink of embarrassment. Illumi wasn't quick to realize, although other people have started seeing the change, from the blond secretary Shalnark to his friend Chrollo and his boyfriend Feitan. The usually white scenery they were used to seeing has been splashed with colors like from an abstract painting, and they were trying to see what outcome the painting might have.

Hisoka asked Illumi to wait for him that night as he was the person asked to close the bar. He sees the younger person stand in a corner of the bar and decides to come over to him. Hisoka stands in front of him, slightly towering over the younger one with his heels, and Hisoka thinks how fucking cute the guy could be. In no time at all, Hisoka closes the small distance between them and slightly bends down to capture his lips. He hears the breath escape from the other and he deepens the kiss, slightly smirking when he feels arms wrap around his neck. He pushes Illumi to the wall, pressing his body to Illumi's as he feels the heat radiate from the other guy. He pulls away slightly, whispering "Your house. Let's go." and Illumi nods in response, grabbing hold of his hand before dragging him to his white car.

Illumi drives fast with Hisoka beside him, the speedometer never dripping below 100, and arrives at the front of his house less than an hour later. He leads Hisoka towards his room and closes the door while Hisoka looks around. "You were right." he hears Hisoka say. "You really do live in a white world." He turns to face Illumi who's leaning on the door and Hisoka walks towards him in long strides. Illumi shrugs his shoulders slightly, replying with an "I told you so."

Hisoka stops just a few mere inches in front of him and cups his face with a hand. He leans in and whispers "I'm not here to talk about monochromatic colors and its fucking relation to life." before he slams his lips hard into Illumi's, sucking on the other one's bottom lip before swiftly inserting his tongue, exploring Illumi's wet cavern as his hands fumble for his pants, unbuttoning and unzipping it before pulling it down along with his boxers. Illumi's erection springs out and Hisoka seizes him, stroking Illumi's shaft, making the older one moan. Hisoka feels himself harden at the sound of the Zoldyck's moans, feeling Illumi's nails dig into his flesh.

They somehow end up on the white mattress, both naked with Illumi lying on his stomach. Hisoka inserts his cock inside him and rams hard into Illumi and Illumi feels the pain. His eyes saw red. Red must be associated to pain. Hisoka fucks him until they're both exhausted and the older one rolled over beside him.

Illumi wakes up to white. White ceiling over white walls. A white desk beside his white bed in which he is currently laying on, snuggled underneath a white blanket stained with a red color. A pale arm wraps around his bare chest and Illumi tries to sit up. A groan escapes from his lips, loud enough to wake the guy next to him.

"Sore?" Hisoka asks, a laugh barely escaping from his lips. Illumi nods before frowning. "You fucked me way too hard last night. You know I have work." Hisoka laughs this time and sits up, giving him a light kiss before standing up and picking his clothes up, putting them back on. "Good luck Mr. Executive." Hisoka says with a laugh before leaving. Illumi lets out another groan.

Illumi tries not to walk around too much the whole day because he's still too sore and mentally curses Hisoka for not being gentle with him. Hisoka ends up visiting him in his office after he calls him, informing the older one that he has to work overtime. He kisses Illumi with so much passion that Illumi knows it'll lead somewhere else and he whispers a no. Hisoka promises to be gentler this time, giving light kisses on his neck and Illumi ends up giving in. Hisoka pushes the papers off Illumi's desk and places him there instead.

For the first time in his life, Illumi wakes up to a different color. He wakes up to blue. A blue ceiling over walls that are a different shade of blue. Somehow, he ended up in Hisoka's little studio-type apartment. He doesn't remember much of what happened the night before. He doesn't know how they ended up here from his office, who drove his car here, or if they even took his car. All he remembers is that he had sex with the guy beside him. He turns around to see Hisoka watching him, and before he opens his mouth to speak, Hisoka says "You wanna know how we ended up here?"

Illumi furrows his eyebrows, wondering how Hisoka knows what he's thinking, and the dancer laughs and kisses him before continuing. "You're pretty obvious Lulu. Well, you told me that you don't want to have sex inside your office even though the idea thrills me, and you said you don't want to stain your bedsheets again." Hisoka pouts a bit at that and Illumi has to exert every bit of his willpower to not pounce on him because dammit, this guy is just cute and hot all at the same time. "So I took your car keys and drove us here instead. Is my apartment too small for you? Sorry. This is the only apartment I could afford." Illumi shakes his head and smiles.

"No. This is perfect."

"Because it's more colorful than your dull and lifeless mansion?" Hisoka laughs, and Illumi wonders if maybe he's right. Maybe it's because of the color that made Hisoka's tiny apartment is much better than his mansion. Maybe Illumi is getting tired of seeing white everyday.

He watches Hisoka dance like every other night, but unlike every other night, Illumi observes that Hisoka moves a little more forced, not like the fluid moves Illumi was used to seeing. He wonders what's wrong with Hisoka, and if there's anything he could help him with.

He was just about to take a sip of water when Hisoka falls on his knees and Illumi abruptly stands up. He watches as Hisoka tries to get up but for some strange reason, he can't. It's like there's an invisible person pushing him down. Or like Hisoka's legs have given up on moving. Illumi doesn't know. He just rushes to the stage and takes Hisoka's arm, putting it around his neck, and asks "Can you walk?" Hisoka shakes his head slightly and Illumi half drags, half carries him to his car.

He was driving them to Hisoka's apartment when he hears the heavy breathing from beside him and he realizes that Hisoka is crying. He clenches his fists on the wheel. The sound of Hisoka's sobs is just too painful, Illumi wanted to reach out to him but he didn't. He stopped the car right outside and helps Hisoka to his apartment, sitting him down on his bed before getting a glass of water for him. He hands Hisoka the glass and sits on a chair, waiting for him to calm down enough to explain what happened.

It takes Hisoka six, seven heavy breaths before he could say anything. "I-I can't dance anymore Lulu. The doctors told me I have Amyotrophic Lateral Sclorosis. I'll be paralyzed. I'll have trouble breathing. I won't be able to do anything. And you know what's funny? It's such a rare disease yet it found me. It fucking found me Lulu." Hisoka laughs so bitterly that it turns into sobs and Illumi holds him tight because for the first time since they've met, Hisoka looked vulnerable.

Hisoka has been admitted to the hospital then, and Illumi visits him every chance he gets.

"So this is what it's like to live in such a monochromatic place?" Hisoka asks the first day he was there, a slight smile forming on his lips. Illumi shrugs.

"It's a little dull at the beginning, but you'll get used to it." Hisoka doesn't answer and lies flat on his back on the bed, staring at the ceiling until he falls asleep with Illumi clutching his left hand tightly.

The paralysis completely took Hisoka's legs and he now has to use a wheelchair to move. Illumi pushes him, a plastic bag hanging around one of his wrists, and they go to the rooftop. He parks Hisoka beside a bench and sits down, pulling out a can of beer Hisoka asked for him to buy. Hisoka takes the beer and opens it, drinking it while letting the wind blow unto his face. Illumi watches him drink before taking the can out of Hisoka's hand, much to his surprise.

"You're not allowed to drink this so I'm drinking it for you." Illumi tells him. "Besides, I've always wondered what beer tastes like." He puts the can on his lips, slightly tilting it up and letting the liquid flow into his mouth and down his throat. Illumi coughs and suppresses the urge to shudder. "It's nasty." He hears Hisoka laugh beside him.

"That's what you get for drinking my beer."

"Lulu, have you been going to the Monochrome lately?" Hisoka asks one day. It was early autumn and Illumi barely made it out of work, making promises to his secretary to bring some of his work with him. They were inside Hisoka's room, Illumi in the middle of going through a report, when Hisoka asked and he looks up, a little distracted. "Huh?"

"I said, have you been to the Monochrome lately?" Illumi shakes his head before replying. "No. Chrollo told me that they've got a new dancer though, someone called Machi."

"I bet she's not as good as me though. I mean, I bring the customers to Monochrome. I lure them with my dancing and extra ordinary good looks." Illumi tries hard not to roll his eyes at that and goes back to reading the report. It takes a while before Hisoka speaks again. "Hey Lulu."

"Yeah?" Illumi asks without looking up.

"Let's go to the beach." Illumi looks up at this, staring hard into Hisoka before saying, "You're not allowed to go outside the hospital." Hisoka sighs deeply.

"Lulu, this isn't working anymore. All the therapy, it doesn't work on me. Soon I won't even be able to lift a finger. Besides Lulu, I could use some fresh air. The air here is so stuffy and I can't bear to look at all the white anymore. And didn't you once tell me that you want to go to the beach? C'mon Lulu. I just want a day out of this place. Please?"

Illumi has to close his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose before exhaling deeply. "Fine. I'll talk to the doctor."

"Thanks Lulu. You're the best."

Illumi takes a day off, leaving everything in the hands of the vice president, and takes Hisoka to the beach. They stroll along, with Illumi pushing Hisoka on his wheelchair, and ate the lunch he prepared. They talk about anything that comes to mind. The weather, music, animals.

"Lulu, tell me the first word that comes to mind when I mention a color okay?" Hisoka told him. Illumi nods. "Ready? Okay. Red?"

"Pain."

"Yellow?"

"Bliss."

"White?"

"Dull."

"Blue?"

"You." Hisoka stops and looks at the older one in confusion. "Me? Why me?"

"Because the first time I woke up in your room, I saw your blue ceiling. That day was the first time I woke up and didn't see white." Illumi explains, staring into the horizon as the sun slowly sinks down and orange starts to paint the sky.

"Okay. What about orange?"

"Beginnings."

"Why?"

"Because the sunrise is color orange."

"Funny how you associate orange with beginnings when all I see is the end." Hisoka says and Illumi decides not to answer and watches as the sun sets. He hears Hisoka say after awhile. "Lulu, aren't you disappointed?"

He turns around to look at Hisoka, brows furrowing at the question. "About what?"

"About this." Hisoka waves a hand in front of his lifeless legs. "Lulu, I won't even be able to have sex with you anymore."

Illumi sighs softly. "I don't care about the sex, Hisoka. I'll admit, it was a little disappointing," he pauses and gives Hisoka a small smile before continuing. "but all I care about is how you won't be able to dance again. Because your dancing splashed colors across my canvass and led me to you." Illumi stands up after his little speech and dusts himself. "It's getting late. I should take you back to the hospital."

Hisoka protests because he really doesn't want to spend the night in that monochromatic building that reeks of medicine and death. Illumi puts up an argument about how Hisoka's not even supposed to be outside the hospital premises and that he already pushed his luck so far by coming here but Hisoka's a stubborn one and refuses to back down. In the end, the dancer wins the fight and Illumi drives both of them down the familiar streets of Hisoka's neighborhood and helps him in his own apartment.

"Thanks for taking me to the beach Hisoka." Illumu says as he helps Hisoka lie on his own bed and Hisoka lets out a small chuckle before saying, "I think it's the other way around."

Illumi smiles and tells Hisoka that he'd be spending the night in his apartment and he disagrees. "You've got work tomorrow Lulu. You already took a day off. I don't want to be the reason of your company's downfall." he tells Illumi. Illumi agrees in the end and tells Hisoka to take a rest and that he'll be there to take him back first thing in the morning. Hisoka nods and Illumi walks away. He was by the door when he heard Hisoka call his name and he turns around and asked him why and Hisoka tells him "I love you." and Illumi feels the blood rushing to his face as his heart began to do jumping jacks inside his chest, his stomach already filling with butterflies because that was the first time he's heard Hisoka say those words to him. He clears his throat and wishes that he wouldn't stammer with his reply.

"I love you too." and Illumi hurries out of Hisoka's apartment, not seeing that sad little smile on Hisoka's face and the whisper of "I'm sorry."

Illumi wakes up earlier than he would've done to take Hisoka back to the hospital before going to work. He knocks on Hisoka's door multiple times. Not hearing an answer from him because he was probably still asleep, Illumi decided to let himself enter. He walks through the familiar path to Hisoka's bed and saw red, flowing from Hisoka's lifeless body, a cutter held loosely in one hand. Illumi's arms shake and he falls to his knees, the weight of what he's seeing too much for him to handle, and, through the numbness, the thoughts of why Hisoka would do such a terrible thing is trying to squeeze through his mind. The pain of not being able to dance again was probably much too painful for him to handle, the pain even greater than Illumi thought it would, probably even more painful than losing Illumi himself. Tears cloud his vision, letting big, fat drops fall to the floor, as he thinks that it was morbidly funny, how he associates red with pain, how he sees the red flowing from his veins and every other feeling in his system has nullified and all that's left is the pain.

News started to leak soon after, about a dancer with ALS who committed suicide associated to a wealthy CEO but Illumi doesn't care. All he sees are the red and blue of Hisoka's apartment.

Illumi wakes up to white. White ceiling over white walls. A white desk beside a white bed. He wears a white straitjacket. He drinks white meds the nurses in white give him. He would sometimes utter words like "orange" or "blue", but mostly it was just "Hisoka".

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this in 2014. finally decided i would give it to hisoillu because i love hisoillu so the writing is more different than my usual. i'm sorry about that. i just.... really wanted to give this story to hisoillu hehe.


End file.
